GREY STREETS
by PerhapsPerhapsPerhaps
Summary: AU story - Old friends, broken hearts, crossed wires and second chances.
1. Chapter 1

**So, this is something I have been working on for a while. It is very different from the rest of my stories. I was not sure if I should post it or not as it is very personal to me in theme but I think that it is something you guys will enjoy reading. This is an AU story, it was not originally a FSOG FF, but it fit in quite well with a few small changes. **

**It is a departure from my usual writing style and I am experimenting. I started this when I had a serious bout of writers block and needed to try something new. I would really love to hear your thoughts and feedback on this one. If you guys like it I will keep posting. **

**Okay, I am as nervous as I was when I post the first chapter of Darkness and White almost a year ago. Please review. **

**This story is based on the song Grey Streets by Dave Matthews Band. If you are not already familiar I suggest you YouTube it. It is a fantastic song with lyrics that will hopefully give you a better understanding of this story. **

**Thank you to all of my readers for your amazing support of my stories. The reviews, PM's and encouragement have really been amazing. **

* * *

**Part 1: The Beginnings End**

To: Ana Steele (Asteele91089 )

From: CG ( )

Subject: Dorm Rooms, lost bets and crocodile tears

Hey Ana!

I just wanted to touch base and let you know I landed. All is well. My dorm room is fucking small. My roommate smells like cheese and you are right, I am pledging a frat. I know. I know. I will give you ten bucks next time I see you.

It's strange being here where no one knows me, but it's nice too. I am just another guy on campus and Leila seems to be more relaxed here too. Maybe that will bode well for us both considering. Anyway I just wanted to let you know that I heard everything you said, and I think you were right. I am sorry that I was such a dick about it.

I remember when we were young; you used to cry all the time. It was so fucking annoying. I couldn't understand it. But as we got older I figured you out. You knew that if you cried I would always let you have your way. You fucking did it to me when I was leaving didn't you? Yeah I knew it. I made you a promise and despite how it was incurred I do intend to keep it…

I am going to miss you kiddo. You have no idea how much. If you need me I am an email or a phone call away.

Laters

CG

* * *

Chapter 1: Takin' the Long Way Around

He drove on the interstate, his mind as wearily as his heart. He would look back every so often at his son Luke, sleeping quietly in the backseat, a small smile breaking the corners of his mouth. The boy was the image of his father, tall for his age with deep grey eyes and an unruly mop of copper curls. Luke was the one good and decent bright spot in this dark life, the one thing keeping him moving forward and the only good thing to come out of his marriage. Luke had become his port in the raging perfect storm that was his life.

Christian Grey was a man of means and money, a man who took charge and triumphed. Christian Grey was a man who lived a life without the presence of fear or doubt. Nothing, not even power can last forever and life as he knew it changed and fear and doubt were an ever present cloud hovering over the horizon. There was gray storm looming, the swirling winds destroying anything in their path and Christian felt a fear that could only come from losing control. Control is the balance of life, those who master it rise and those who fail to mater it fall. It is the one constant in history, the one true thing.

Christian had always made control his priority and with that came power and money and eventually greed. Every great ruler falls, every man fallible and weak at their core and Christian was no exception. In the wake of it all Luke kept him centered. Luke was his priority now. Luke the only thing that truly mattered and the greatest fear that Christian had on an ever growing list was the possible damage that would come to his son. In a few short months everything Luke knew and depended on simply disappeared and he the lost everything familiar. There was the gaping hole that was now his mother's missing presence in his life, his home, his therapist, his routine. It was the structure of their lives that kept Luke level, kept him present and now everything was unknown. The unknown was a lurking question mark at the end of every sentence.

It had been a long day, Christian shifted in his seat, his limbs sore, his back cracking and for the first time in the life he felt his age. Thirty – one had crept up on him like a thief in the night. A few miles more he would be home. Well - his childhood home anyway in Edmonds, Washington, a middle class suburb outside of Seattle. His real "home" was a large estate in Calabasas, California the place he lived the previous six years with his wife and son. That home was now an empty shell of neglected barren rooms. All of his belongings, a collection of memories were wrapped in bubble, hidden under layers of paper and tucked into brown cardboard boxes on a truck headed for a storage unit, to be locked away until he was ready to deal with them again. It amazed him how quickly the movers were able to pack up nearly the last decade of his life. How quickly the life and home he and his wife built together vanished. The home where Luke grew up quickly it became a hollow, hopeless place. Six of their eight anniversaries, six Christmas celebrations, and most of Luke's birthdays. It all amounted to a hundred boxes, some dusty photographs, a wealth of memories good and bad and now an empty house, where his footsteps echoed as he walked out the door for the last time.

Christian felt mix of happiness and regret, joy and sorrow, the beginning of the beginnings end. Edmonds was a place that had always been good to him. He became a local hero at the age of sixteen and in one act of reckless, thoughtless instinct he saved a life and cemented himself as a local celebrity. In one moment he became the token golden boy, the chosen, and the focus of the small community's attention. But despite all of that he would have much to answer for in his homecoming. He had practically fallen off the face of the earth as far as his friends and family was concerned. A few scattered emails and two minute phone calls, took the place of yearly fishing trips, super bowl and birthday parties. He just couldn't face the truth of what was happening. That his wife had left him, the same way his birth parents had. One day they were happy and together, and then, before he could blink, she was cheating on him and in love with another man. He couldn't bring himself to admit the truth – that he had failed - so he chose to do something out of character and ran from the truth instead. The truth will always find you; it is the ultimate bounty hunter. When the divorce papers were signed there was nothing more to do but tell his family the truth. That Leila had left him and he was coming home to regroup.

The anger that Christian felt for his ex-wife was at an all-time high. In an act of extreme selfishness she walked out of their life and took half of his fortune with her. He couldn't have cared less about the money or even the loss of his wife. Money and women always came easily to him. His company was safe and solvent, and for that he was grateful but he needed time away to focus on Luke. Stepping down as CEO was one of the hardest decisions he had ever made but deep down he knew it was the right one. Had the company been public, its stock would have plummeted at his departure, but thankfully Christian had decided long ago that he would never answer to a board only to himself. In the back of his minding knowing that he would move the company to Washington. He just needed to get Luke in order first. Luke needed and deserved more then the care of a full time nanny and the watchful eye of a security team. He needed a family and a home. A place that would never change or go away. Edmond was that place.

* * *

The air was hot and humid, the summer sun beating down, high in the sky just as he pulled into his father's driveway. It had been nearly two years since he had been home, two years that his life as he knew it imploded. Seeing the Edmonds welcome sign at the edge of town made him smile, as anticipation built in his growling stomach. Edmond was a beautiful untouched place, a haven for the middle class. It had the allure of old trees lush and green shading the houses and roads in the late June sun, pollen and dust floating in the air catching the sunlight and the distant hum of locust's wings in the background singing him a sad song. The water was as much of a part of the town as the streets, the schools and the people that lived there. The blue green water of the Puget Sound wrapped around the town giving it movement and life while the backdrop of the Olympic Mountains gave it strength and stability.

He sat in the drive way for a minute, enjoying what he knew was his last moment of silence before the questions and the inquisition would begin. He had brought it on himself. Christian was never one to share his feelings, he was a popular loaner and his image was more important to him than anything. Being the local hero had a downside as well, the constant scrutiny, the whispered gossip, the pressure to achieve to maintain the image. Somehow, the good parts of his life mixing with the stigma of his birth parents past, the stories and rumors always lingering in the background. He felt like it was a weight that had kept him down for years. The expectation of being Christian Grey. When his life and marriage started to crumble his defense was to insulate and isolate, pretend that it wasn't happening and that worked for long time. It worked until it stopped working and now he had to face the music that grew louder with every passing mile closer to home.

"Dad?" Luke's small voice called out from the back seat.

"Yeah, buddy?" Christian's voice was filled with gravel from the non-stop air conditioning of the nearly twenty hour drive. Luke wouldn't fly because the idea of being in a plane scared him to death. Christian thought back to the time in his life when he owned a private plane and a helicopter, a time when he used them freely, a time in his life before Luke was born. He and his wife never wanted kids, they were never in the plan but when the white stick came up with a little blue line they never looked back. There were problems in their marriage and they both hoped that having a hold would help repair the damage. It did for a while. Christian reached down and grabbed the now warm bottle of water he picked up at a gas station along the way and took a long sip hoping to ease his throat as he tried to force his anger and bitterness aside. This was his life now, and it would have to be okay.

"We're here?" Luke clicked his seatbelt open, craning forward to get a better look. He had been at the house before not that he really remembered but he had seen pictures of himself there. But he was just three and a half, the last time he was there and the memories were fuzzy. He remembered his Grandpa pushing him on a swing set and Grandma making pancakes and Uncle Ellie laughing and playing with a huge furry dog with Aunt Annie. That was the one thing he was looking forward to more than anything, playing with the dog. His mother wouldn't allow him to get one of his own.

"It looks like the pictures you gave me." he cocked his head to the side taking everything in. "But the bushes… they bushes they are taller and the door is red not blue." Luke was disappointed blue was his favorite of all the colors but red reminded him of his favorite football team. Christian nodded, not noticing the details but Luke always did. The little things mattered most to him; but they were all part of the bigger picture a fact that Luke often forgot. Sometimes he would get lost in the little things, trapped in them so deeply that he couldn't find his way out. Christian always worried that one day he would leave and wouldn't ever come back.

"Grandpa must have painted the door but I bet if you ask we can paint it back to blue." Christian exhaled deeply, before taking another long sip of water. "You ready to go Lukie?" Luke closed his eyes, and took a deep breath mimicking his father's actions.

"Um, no." He answered as he exhaled, sitting back in his seat. "Can we just sit her for a bit more?" Christian knew this was coming, he remembered everything the occupation therapist said, and how it was important to give Luke control but limits.

"Ok, buddy, five minutes?" Christian asked, holding up five fingers testing Luke's limits. Luke looked at the house again and then back at his father.

"Ten?" He replied with a mix of hope and fear in his soft voice. Christian chucked, and nodded his head in agreement. God he was grateful that Luke was dealing with all of the rapid change as well as he was.

"Okay, buddy ten." He tipped his head back against the head rest and closed his eyes as Luke programmed the timer on his watch for ten minutes and not a second more.

Christian watched her back the boat into the driveway, as he unloaded his bags from the trunk. He was always in awe watching her do this, it was something she had mastered as a teenager. Anastasia Steele, her name lingering in his head the moment he saw her. Ana was his best friend, the one person he looked most forward to seeing and dreaded seeing equally. They had known on another since early childhood, even though Christian was a year older they always grew together but the last two years they had grown apart. It was his fault and he knew it.

He had cut her out, avoided her, and ignored her for months and months. The months turned into nearly two years and he knew that there would be hell to pay for his abandonment. His younger brother Elliott gave him the heads up that she was angry, very angry. Christian was worried but he knew Ana better then he knew anyone and he rested his hope on the fact that her anger never lasted long. It was like a firecracker on the Fourth of July; it burned hot and loud and then as quickly as it exploded it was over.

Ana froze when she saw him in the distance, deep inside her belly she went cold and burned hot at the same time. She knew this moment was coming; four days had passed since Carrick told her of his son's divorce and impending arrival. She couldn't believe it, that Leila Williams had left him. After all the drama, the fights and the wasted energy of their relationship that she would just pick up and leave. For her just to just give up after all of that. It was such a Leila thing to do.

It also gave Ana pause that he was walking away from his company and life in California and coming home to Edmond of all places. It was unbelievable to her that all this was going on in Christian's life and she was completely clueless. Everyone was clueless, his scattered contact extended to his circle of friends and his family. Only she was completely shut out. Ana scoured the catacombs of her memory trying to figure out what she had said or done to deserve such a harsh and sudden abandonment. Hours of her life spent trying to put the pieces together and she came up with nothing. She missed him more then she even wanted to admit. The first months were the hardest; the pain was sharp and overwhelming. It was as though she had lost a limb that is how much she relied on him. Over time the pain mellowed to a dull ache and then one morning she woke up and it was gone. Every so often she would see something that would remind her of him but she was numb to it.

She would have to see him now, every day. Ana had dealt with his complete and utter desertion. It was the cherry on top of the worst time of her life but she had made her peace with it, made sense of her life without him in it. She could see him in the rear view mirror was walking towards her with a grin on his face. His perfectly structured face, that always seemed to have just the right amount of stubble. He walked with such ease, always being so present in his body. Not a single ounce of self-doubt, something she had always envied, coveted. Something she wished she could borrow from him via osmosis.

"I can do this." She muttered to herself, as she pulled her keys out of the ignition and pushed the door of her pickup open. She had four days to prepare herself for this, she had a speech prepared and all she wanted was to stay calm, stay strong. She decided to pretended like he was not even there going about her business, letting him make the first move.

* * *

He watched her unhitch the boat from the truck, the sun setting behind her. Ana looked different; the first thing he had noticed was that she lost weight. She was always thin and athletic but now, she was what he would consider to be slight and for a moment he worried if she was eating properly. She never did take care of herself the way she should have. Her hair was longer then he had ever seen it, hanging down her back in wild perfect mess, a mix of the salt air and sea from being on the boat. Her linen pants, damp at the bottom, tied loosely around her hips, her white tank top exposing the strings of a bright red bikini and her pale skin that had grabbed the early summer sun. He stared at her for a few moments, willing her to turn around and look at him. She felt his gaze and couldn't help herself, she turned to him and they locked eyes, Ana had to fight the urge to mirror his smile.

She looked beautiful and bright as the last time he had seen her. Her shoulders, nose and cheeks a bright shade of pink he fought the urge to brush his fingertip across her cheek and feel the warmth of the sun radiate from them.

"Hey Ana?" His words were a question, not knowing how she would respond, if she would respond if she could respond. She was frozen with anger and fear but thankfully she was prepared and her face gave nothing away. His voice startled her; she had not heard it for so long. It was so familiar, yet so strange. Christian's voice was as ingrained in her memories as her own, always there. Usually reassuring her, sometimes aggravating her, playfully teasing her, in dark times comforting her, in happy times laughing with her. And in two small words _Hey Ana_ she realized how much she had missed hearing it, as it came crashing down around her.

"Hi Chris." It was all she could mutter out, not knowing what to say or do; she was not prepared for his voice having such and effect on her. It was something she had not planned on and all of her carefully plotted words flew out of her head in an instant. She nervously began to twirl the ends of her hair.

It was not a good sign that she called him Chris. She had always called him Christian, and sometimes CG when they were really gelling, hitting the sweet spot of their friendship and banter. They stood there for a few moments and then as a reflex Christian finally took a step closer, wrapping his arms around her. She stilled and tightened for a moment, stifled by the awkwardness that surrounded them. Ana finally lifted her arms loosely around his waist not being able to resist the feel of him even if it was just for a moment.

Christian inhaled deeply, he had missed her more then he even realized. She smelled like childhood, day at the beach, sun lotion, the sea, the salty air and hint of a citrus tang from the perfume she had worn since high school. She smelled familiar, she smelled of home, of everything good, of every memory locked in amber. A dusty, grainy movie reel, playing on a projector. Moving pictures of happy times but no words or sound. She pulled away from him, feeling that embrace was lasting too long, betrayed by her own feelings. She was angry, hurt and not even Christian couldn't change that with a hug and a hello. He released her and frowned as she stepped away.

"So how have you been?" It was an obtuse question, knowing the truth would require more then a few word answer. She couldn't believe the stupidity of the question, the casual air in which he asked.

"Fine." She answered sardonically not asking him a question in return. Wanting desperately to ask him why he had shut her out but holding her tongue. The lingering silence falling heavy between them.

"So you took out the boat?" He banged his fist against it a few times, remembering the time they spent painting and re-painting it over the years, remembering all the times they had spent on the boat together. He smiled at the memories and it instantly put Ana on edge. She knew what he was thinking.

"Yup." Ana's mind was racing and she couldn't manage more than one word answers.

"Who'd you go with?" He knew that she and Jose were dating; it pissed him off when he saw the photo of them together on Elliott's Facebook page last year. Jose had loved Ana for years and years. He was never really a part of their circle, being two years younger didn't really help matters. He wasn't a bad guy, but he believed that Ana could do better. She was always with the wrong men at the wrong times.

"I went alone." She managed to string together three words and exhaled in relief proud of herself until she saw the look of anger flash across Christian's face. Of all the stupid things he had ever heard Ana taking the boat out all alone was hands down one of the stupidest.

"Jesus Christ Ana, it's not safe for you to be out on the open water alone. Take Clare or Shane with you… or hell even Jessica." His tone fueled her anger. For him to think that after all this time he could tell her what to do was appalling. Totally outrageous even. Ana relished the idea that Clare and Shane were away for most of the summer. She loved her younger siblings but taking care of them in the absence of her parents was life changing and she sometimes resented it.

"Wow, balls… you've got yourself some balls Christian. Clare is at camp and Shane is staying at Berkeley for the summer and Jessica she hates the open water you know that. Kate and Elliott were busy and… You know what I don't have to explain anything to you."

"Ana."

"No, what I do is none of your business. Two years I have been taking the boat out by myself and I have been fine, so keep your opinions to yourself okay." He clenched his fists to his side and took a deep breath; he didn't come here to fight at least not about this. They could fight about her solo boat excursions another day. Today was about fixing his massive fuck up. He came back to make it right, to make Ana forgive him and start again.

"You're right. You know what you're doing. I mean you did learn from the best after all." Under Christian's tutelage Ana had spent hours out on the boat, literally learning the ropes. There were few places where he felt more at home then on a boat on the water. He was hoping the joke and the attempt to remind her of their shared history would break the ice but it had the opposite effect. Instead Ana was reminded of all the happy times they shared and how much she missed them.

It hurt her physically to look at him; just being in his presence was too much. The ache started in her heart and radiated out until her fingers felt numb and shaky. She had always loved him even though she has spent years denying the simple truth. Denying the flutter in her belly when he walked in a room. Denying the heat that radiated through her at his touch. Denying every kiss as nothing more then a passing moment of insanity. Even the night he took her virginity she chalked up to the fear they both had about how their live were changing at a break neck pace. In a split second everything good about them flashed in her mind and pain quickly followed.

"Well, I gotta go." She turned before he had the chance to reply, opening the back door to the truck, a large fluffy dog bounding out the back seat. "Come on Gypsy girl. Let's get you fed." They walked a few steps up the path to her house.

"Ana wait up a minute?" He called out to her, trying to figure out how to get her to stay. "Where is Steve McQueen?" She stilled as the anger she tried to contain started to bubble up to the surface. Her cheeks burned with fire and it had nothing to do with the sunburn. She turned on her heel, walking back to him. Gypsy firmly at her side, leery of this stranger before her, somehow sensing her owner's tension and anger.

"McQueen died last year." The sadness in her voice almost choking her. Christian was stunned, no one had told him. "I called you, I left you a message."

"You never said anything about McQueen." He said as a halfhearted defense, trying to recall her messages that he had listened to over and over. Messages he couldn't bring himself to return.

"No, I didn't. It didn't seem appropriate to leave that kind of a message so I said it was important that you call me back, but you didn't. He had cancer; I had to put him down. After fifteen years…I thought you would have wanted to be here, he was as much as your dog as he was mine. So I called." There was so much more that she wanted to say, but she promised herself she would not let him see how much he had hurt her. "Anyway he is gone, I scattered his ashes at the beach, you know his place…" Christian closed his eyes and nodded; knowing exactly what she was talking about, McQueen loved the water but hated the waves. He loved to run along the still waters of the bay, in and out chasing fish and seaweed. Ana's eyes burned from the tears that wanted to come, the loss of her beloved dog still so fresh and raw. Her throat constricted remembering his last moment, lying on the cold steel table in the vet's office, his amber eyes staring at her. Confused about what was happening, as they slowly closed for the last time.

"Ana, I am so sorry. Really. If I would have known…" His voice broke through the awful memory playing in her head.

"You still wouldn't have called Christian. So stop trying to make yourself feel better." She turned again to walk away, wanting so badly to get to the safety of her house.

"Ana come on, talk to me." She could hear the desperation and regret in his voice and it pulled at her in a way she was not expecting.

"Talk to you?" The sarcasm dripping from her voice, the anger seeping in. "I have tried to talk to you for months and months. And _you_ didn't want to talk. And now you know what…I don't want to talk." She said dismissively.

"It's not that I didn't want to talk, I just couldn't…" He managed to stutter out before she interrupted him.

"Ok, couldn't talk to me but you could talk to Elliott, and Mia, oh and you could talk to Ethan."

"I spoke to them Ana but I didn't _talk_ to them." With Elliott and Ethan and even Mia he could hide the sadness in his voice. He could pretend that all was right with the world but with Ana he couldn't hide a damn thing. She would have known from his hello that something was wrong and would have made him talk about his feelings and all that crap. If he talked about the failure that his life was becoming it made it real. It was hard enough keeping it out of the papers and local news. They waited until the very last second to file for divorce and by that time all the details has been hashed out and finalized.

"So it was just me you couldn't SPEAK to then? You know, for years you were my best friend, so when you stopped returning my calls, I didn't really think too much of it, cause it was you and me. You know… Ana and Christian, remember - you and me. We used to talk almost every day. There was nothing I couldn't tell you, nothing. And I thought that you felt the same way about me. So the first few months were strange but I didn't take it personal you know, I figured you were busy making your millions and taking care of Luke. But then I had the second worst year of my life, and I called you because I needed my best friend and nothing Christian. I haven't seen or spoken to my godson for almost two years. And then you sent me a text for my birthday. Acquaintances sent me texts, people I have known for minutes, moments. And you my best friend just send a text like I was an afterthought or something." Her words hit the target over and over, this was worse then Christians was expecting he knew she would be angry and hurt but this was something dismissive about her tone. She had resigned herself to the fact they their friendship was over and appeared to be okay with it. That is when the panic took hold; because he knew when Ana was done with something or someone she was done.

"I couldn't figure out how we got to that place, the place where you would think that sending me a text on my thirtieth birthday was okay. But it all became clear; you and I weren't friends anymore. I admit I came a little late to the party, but once I did I caught on quick. I felt like shit, trying to figure out what I did wrong, but couldn't think of anything. You were talking to everyone else but me so I knew it had to be something but eventually I just stopped caring. And then, four days ago I have to find out from your dad that not only are you DIVORCED from that evil bitch but you are moving home! FROM YOUR DAD! And it hit me, that you and I are nothing. We are not friends, or acquaintances, you are just some one that I used to know. And I am fine with that because I figured out that my life is easier without you in it!" Those last words cut him deeply; a slap in the face would have been easier to take and certainly less painful.

"You don't mean that, come on. I fucked up. I had a lot on my plate and I just couldn't talk about it." He reached out and grabbed her hand, his touch stilling her anger. Gypsy growled at their unexpected contact. "Look, you have to forgive me, you have to. I mean I am going to be around, you are going to see me every day. And I can't have you be mad at me, I just can't."

"Well things just never change Christian." She yanked her hand free of his, taking a step further away from him. "Everything you just said was all about you, what you wanted, what you needed. Are you sorry that you hurt me or just sorry that you aren't going to have me to lean on anymore? I guess we are going to see each other, because you live here again. Why I have no fucking clue. Your millions and your mansion and somehow you find yourself back on Nottingham Drive! But that does not change a thing. I haven't spoken to Mr. Gibbons for years and he lives across the street."

"Ana come on. I am sorry okay, I miss you. Luke misses you."

"Don't you dare use Luke against me Christian! Don't you dare." He saw the change in her eye and knew he had crossed a line. Ana was in full on don't fuck with me mode, a trait in her personality that she rarely used but watch out when she did. He stood still and braced himself for impact. "You are back and that's great – for you but it sucks for me. If you think for one second you are going to waltz back into town and we would just pick up where we left off then you are sadly mistaken. I am not the girl you remember! The girl you run to when all else fails. Luke is my godson and I love him to death but you won't use him to get to me are we clear?"

"Ana…"

"Are we clear Chris… yes or no?"

"Clear…very clear."

"Well it's about fucking time."

He watched her storm into her house, slamming the door behind her. He was stunned and the possibility that she wouldn't forgive him set in, mixed with a wave of sadness about Steve McQueen, the most loyal dog he had ever known. No he couldn't let it end like that as he started to make his way to her front door.

"I would leave her alone." Carrick Grey called out from his front porch. The deep resonating sound of his father's voice stopped him dead in his tracks and he could have been sixteen years old all over again. "She is not going to change her mind just because you want her too."

"I know dad, trust me I know. I just need to explain to her." His father looked him over, his deep brown eyes giving away his disappointment with his adopted son. Christian had seen that look a handful of times over the years. It was something he painstaking tried to avoid, always feeling like he owed his parents for stepping in and taking care of him and Elliott.

"Explain what, that you couldn't pick up a phone for two years. She just chewed you up and spit you out. Leave her be, she has had a rough enough week without you adding to it?" Christian turned around and made his way back to the porch knowing his father was right. What did he expect, Ana to welcome him back with open arms.

"What does that mean? What's going on with her?"

"Oh now you care? You are a day late and a dollar short son. Come on, grab your bags and let's have a beer. I will fill you in, at least what I know anyway."


	2. Chapter 2

I just want to thank you all for the AMAZING support you gave this story. I am totally humbles by your amazing reviews and encouragement. They have meant so much to me.

I was planning to post a chapter for Darkness and White tonight but I just didn't feel like it was done yet, so here is a long chapter of Grey Streets and I hope to post D&W this week...

Please review... You gave me well over 100 last week and it really got me writing up a storm!

XOXO PPP

* * *

Dear Diary –

I am an idiot. I mean a serious idiot. I watched C&L together all damn summer, always the third or fifth wheel. Always pining away like an idiot. And now they break up, finally after a summer of torture and he still won't look at me. I mean how stupid can I be. Why would he want to be with me when the whole female population is drooling to be with him, even if just for a few hours. I know I was stupid to think that he would be single and come running to me. I know. But I held out this small hope. I should know better. Mr. Hyde says that boys are stupid and never see a good thing when it is standing right in front of them. God, why can't all guys be like Mr. Hyde.

My mom is being a huge pain in the butt, she got a new job and is expecting me to get the kids ready for school in the mornings. Like I don't have enough to do in the mornings already. I am seriously hating my junior year already and it has only been two damn days!

Oh well, nothing I can do about it… C can screw his way through the year and I can just ignore it.

XXOO - A

* * *

Chapter 2: I Don't Love You, But I Always Will.

Christian relished the sounds and smell of his childhood home; they almost drowned out the noise and sadness from his years before he was a Grey. The house had not changed much and there was much needed comfort in that fact, hell it was the reason he was back in the first place. He craved constancy and comfort and not just for Luke. If not for his first five years Christian had an idyllic life. His mother Grace was an ER nurse who always managed to work a crazy schedule but be there for her children and Carrick was a lawyer in town, closing mortgages for the local banks. They lived simply and it suited their family of five. Elliott and Christian were half-brothers by blood, the same mother but different fathers. Mia was just a baby, barley out of diapers when Grace took the battered boys in from the ER a rainy night many moons ago.

That night haunts Christian; it has seeped into every detail and crevice of his life, with the exception of his son.

Luke wandered around the first floor for a while, taking it all in. There was stuff everywhere, books and magazines filled the built in shelves, and scattered framed photos filled the empty spaces. His eyes darted around the room looking for a still place but he couldn't find one. Luke was used to the structure of his house in Calabasas, the lightness, the order. His mother Leila was not a fan of having too much stuff around, she too liked an orderly life. He felt a wave of panic in his head, like a ringing in his ears but through his entire body. He clenched his fists together and wanted to cry. He missed his mommy and his house, he missed his yard and he missed Taylor and Gail and the rest of the security team.

"You hungry Luke?" Carrick asked his grandson softly, remembering that sudden loud noises could trigger him. The hunger in his belly pulled him out of his brewing panic. He looked down at the floor, resting his hands on his belly and took a long deep breath that devolved into a soft sigh.

"Yes, grandpa I am." Luke always spoke slowly, each word well placed and thought out. He walked over to his father's side, wanting to be close to him. His lips pursed in a fish face, nervous habit that came after he stopped biting his nails. Gail wouldn't give him any stickers if he bit his nails and the more stickers he had the more things he would get to do. Five stickers meant he could have some of his special cookies. Ten stickers meant he could play his video game, twenty meant he could go to the movies. All he had to do to get the stickers was follow the rules.

"I got some steaks this morning; we can put them on the grill. How does that sound." Luke nodded looking forward to using the grill, he liked steak even though he knew it came from cows. Cows were nice.

"Thanks dad steaks would be great." Carrick nodded at his son and made his way to the kitchen. He was always worried about his grandson, remembering a time not too long ago where he couldn't be held or even touched. When he would scream and cry for seemingly no reason at all.

"Your brother is picking up some potato salad and corn, all gluten free of course. He should be here in a few minutes. All the Grey men can eat together. Your mom is working an overnight, if we would have known sooner you were coming she could have taken off." He called out from the kitchen as he washed his hands. Carrick was shocked that Christian had decided to come home. When he got the phone call the week before he was over joyed that his son and grandson were about to be part of his daily life, that he would see Luke grow up.

Christian and Luke made their way into the small kitchen. He lifted his son up and sat him on the kitchen counter so they could watch Carrick prep the steaks. Christian smiled realizing that it was the exact countertop he sat on watching his father when he was a child and was grateful that he was in a place to share this with his won son.

"Those look good dad." He patted his father on the shoulder and his son on the knee and for a monet all felt right with the world, with the exception of Ana.

"Heck yeah they do, I got them from the butcher." Carrick held the cutting board full of porterhouses out so Luke could get a better look. "I spoke to Mia this morning. She will meet you guys at the Inn tonight."

"How is she doing?"

"Good, real good. Her internship is going well. Your mom is so proud, keeps saying that Mia will be running the hospital one day. I worry though that she spends too much time saving lives and not living her own."

"Dad!" Elliott called out from the front door, causing Luke to jump.

"We're in the kitchen." Christian made his way towards his younger brother, excited to see him. So much time had passed between them with such little contact but they had a bond built on a shared history that could never be broken. They hugged, Christian lifting Elliott up slightly as they laughed.

"You gained some weight there Elliott." Christian teased placing him back on the floor with a thud.

"Nah you're just getting weak in your old age is all. Where is my godson?"

"I am here Uncle Ellie!" Luke smiled broadly, happy to see his uncle. He was the one who took him to see the stars. Luke couldn't figure out how they got the stars inside the building but he was glad they did. Elliott handed the shopping bags to Christian, and tentatively extended his hand to Luke, knowing he needed permission if he wanted to be touched. Luke took his uncles hand and shook it firmly, not looking him in the eye. Elliott looked at Christian, who smiled and then raised his eyebrows, shrugging his shoulders. His unspoken way of telling Elliott to give it a try.

"Can I get a hug Luke?" Elliott asked softly. Luke looked up at his father with question in his eyes.

"It's up to you buddy, Uncle Ellie won't be mad if you say no." Elliott cringed at the word Ellie coming from Christian's mouth. The teasing that came the first time Luke called him that was incessant and downright mean but that's how it was between them, brutal but honest. Luke looked back at Elliott and shook his head no, before turning and walking back into the kitchen.

"Hey, I got a hand shake, I mean considering..."

"Yeah, I guess. I am just worried, he has been good. Too good even. I am wondering when the ax is going to fall."

"Maybe it's just the new meds you were telling me about."

"Maybe, but I feel like he is in shock or something. His occupational therapist said to keep a close eye on him. I think I am just going to stay in tonight."

"Christian, everyone under the age of forty is headed to the Inn to see you tonight."

"No pressure."

"Look I hear ya, but get it all over and done with tonight and move on. Kate is going to be here at nine, so you have until then to decide but I think you should come. Mend a few fences..."

"I tried that already and it didn't go well."

"Ana?" Christian nodded.

"Well you fucked that up royally. And as usual your timing is impeccable. She and Jose broke up last week."

"Yeah dad filled me in, what he knew anyway."

"I wasn't there that night but Katie told me that he proposed, at the Inn in front of God and everyone. She said no, he got mad. They fought, he broke up with her and they have been apart ever since."

"Yeah dad said the same thing. Jose should have known better, Ana has said a million times she does not want to get married and for him to ask her in front over everyone was just proof that he does not know her at all."

"What and you do?"

"Yeah El, I do. I know her better than anyone." It was true; at least it used to be true. Ana and Christian were connected though tragedy but also through an unseen bond, a force that wrapped around them. It would stretch and pull over the years but Christian always thought it could never be broken,. That no matter what they would always be connected. After their argument he was no longer sure of that fact it is shook him to his core. Nothing made sense without Ana in his future, nothing would feel right without her, of that he was certain.

"Then you should have known that cutting her off like you did was going to have a have consequence."

"Yeah, but I was not expecting what got, Ana seemed… I don't know. Different."

"Ana has been off, I mean the last few months."

"McQueen maybe?"

"Ahhh she told you about that did she? I wanted to tell you but she threatened me with bodily harm. No I mean maybe that is part of it, but since Saint Paddy's day she has been... sad...very sad..."

Sad… Christian repeated, wondering if he played a part in her sadness, knowing he did. He could remember a time when sadness wasn't ever present in her blue eyes, a time long forgotten. A time when they were young and free before the reality of life reared its ugly head fucking it all up. A time that he wished he could get back and do everything differently.

* * *

It was bright beautiful September morning in Edmond. The early morning sun mixed with the cool air, the cloudless blue sky and the rustle of the leaves in the breeze made for a perfect day. With a cardboard tray coffee in hand Ana charged thru the front door of her next door neighbor's house not knocking, she even had a key. Mr. and Mrs. Grey often joked that they trusted Ana more than their own children.

"Elliott, Christian let's get a move on we're going to be late for class" Ana bellowed up the stairs annoyed. It was only the second week of the year and they had made her late almost every day. If this kept up the Grey Brothers were going to be walking to school. Carrick took their car away after they got pulled over for joy riding over the summer, they would be wheel-less until they both brought home A+ report cards for the first semester.

Christian was making his way down the stairs, pulling a t-shirt over his head as he descended. Ana took a moment allowing her eyes to take in his taught summer tanned stomach. He was perfect; at least that's what everyone said about him. He was tall at 6'3 and lean, his frame was his best asset and it came naturally to him. His sandy brown hair had a touch of copper that glowed under the summer sun always fell into place, a mark or pimple never graced his chiseled features and he always had just the right amount of stubble. Ana had never allowed herself to crush on Christian the way everyone else did, she knew him to well for that. Okay, she crushed on him from a distance and thought of him often but she knew deep down they would never be. He had a type, tall, thin, dark hair, dark eyes and perfect with a mean streak. He would never admit it but he liked the drama of a crazy girl like Leila, she was a great distraction from his own thoughts and she was just damaged enough that he could do with her what he pleased. Ana was her total opposite shorter, athletic and lean with wild hair, deep blue eyes and a kind and sensitive heart. She knew there was no point in wanting what you couldn't have and she knew she could never have Christian. But she did take the time to enjoy the view. And this morning she did just that.

"Here you go guy. I figured you would need some after the last few days." She said handing him a cup of coffee from her paper tray.

"Thanks Ana." He said flashing his famous panty dropping smile. He blew into the cup and took a sip. "Mmmmm, just how I like it." His praise made her cheeks flush and she bit her lower lip to stop herself from saying something stupid. She had known Christian, Elliott and Mia her entire life; they grew up next door to each other. Mia was in the eighth grade and took the earlier bus to school with Shane and Claire. Elliott and Ana were both juniors and Christian was a senior and spent the summer working with his dad's practice and screwing his girlfriend Leila Williams. Now that the summer was over Leila wanted to start her senior year off fresh and dumped Christian in front of the whole school at the end of summer bonfire. Unfazed he ended up fucking two girls that night just to prove that he could. It cut him deep that Leila would just up and dump him but he had an image to promote.

"So any word from Leila?

"Naaahh, it is what it is. She has been avoiding me at all costs and honestly that is a good thing"

"Well she heard about what happened at the bonfire and then there are rumors about you and what's her name getting it on in the locker room on Monday so…"

"I am a free agent now Ana, I can fuck who ever I want…"

"Jesus Chris, language! My virgin ears." He looked at her intently for a moment and wondered if she was in fact still a virgin. She was hanging out with Elliott a lot over the summer and they seemed cozy but then again Ana was one of the good girls.

He plopped down on the sofa, grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. Ana watched him for a moment, she could tell he was hurting but he was doing everything possible to hide it, but that was his way and she knew when to push and when to leave him be. Looking at her watch she turned her attention back to Elliott.

"Seriously , we are going to be late for class." She yelled up the stairs as loudly as she could. The brothers were total opposites. Elliott facially looked like his older counterpart but was tall and lanky, with golden blonde hair and pale blue eyes, instead of sports and girls, his interests were computers and math. Elliott was three and Christian was almost five when the Grey's adopted them. Elliott was lucky that the memories that kept Christian up as night never touched his dreams.

"Hold your horsy Ana I will be right there. Much to do this morning." She could hear him banging and shuffling around upstairs. He was always doing something. Always taking things apart and putting them back together better than before. He was the sole reason her old beat up pickup was still running.

"I have done more this morning then you will do all week. I have been up since five this morning, went for a run, helped my mom get the kids ready for school, took McQueen for a long walk , went home showered, got your lazy asses coffee and still got here ON TIME! LET'S GO!" Ana turned her attention back to Christian.

"Has your brother ever been on time for anything? EVER?"

"Nope, never." Christian answered flatly, taking a sip of his coffee He was watching the morning news but chuckled at Ana. She was always the over achiever. He wondered when Elliott was going to get his head out of his ass and finally ask her out. She was cute and sweet and funny the kind of girl you want to go for long drives with and talk about everything and then kiss for hours. The kind of girl who would bake you things, hang out with your boys and not bitch about it. Ana was the kind of girl who always remembered your mother's birthday and reminded you and maybe if you're lucky buys you a card to give her. He just watched her for a few minutes, the longer Elliott took the angrier she got, it was entertaining. The furrow of her brow, her arms crossed her chest, foot tapping.

"Holy Shit! Ana, Elliott get in here there was a huge accident on Pacific Highway!" Christian watched in awe as the traffic helicopter showed two cars sprawled out in the middle of the road and the raging inferno that was going on between them as the fire department tried to put it out. She flew into the room and sat next to Christian and Elliott quickly followed. They watched in shock as the news unfolded before them. Ana was in tears her body reacting to what she was watching in a most unexpected way. Christian's instinct kicked in and he put his arm around her.

_…The emergency team at the scene of the accident is reporting that there are no survivors… _

They watched for the next twenty minutes as their coffee turned cold and their thoughts of school vanished. And then Ana saw the image that would forever change her life. Her hands flew to her mouth to stifle her scream. They looked at her, question in their eyes. She was in shock and for several moments said nothing.

"That is my mother car." All they could do is watch as Ana's world crashed down around her. Her mother Carla, beautiful, strong, graceful mother was gone. This couldn't be happening; this was a dream an awful dream. She tried to hear her mother's voice in her head, laughing with her that morning and their last hug standing in the kitchen packing up Clare and Shane's lunches.

"Christian, did you hear me that was my mom car" Her voice was on the edge of frantic, her world spiraling out of control

"Ana are you sure." He wanted it not to be true, wanting this not to be happening to her.

"Yes I am sure the plate… look at the plate it says Steele5." Elliott grabbed the remote control and rewound the news, hitting pause as the camera focused on the burnt carnage of the Nissan Altima. Oh my god I don't know what to do" He could see her shaking and starting to fall apart, he wrapped his arms around her and held on as hard as he could. He knew he had to do something to control this awful situation.

"Just breathe, Ana Ok. Look at me and breathe. Elliott, get on the phone and see what you can find out. Let's go to the Wander Inn and find your dad."

The Wander Inn was the small local dive bar that Ana's father Ray owned, it was where all the locals would end up for a cold beer and the best burger in town. The two mile drive seemed to take forever, he watched her as he drove, and she was rocking herself with tears streaming down her face. He pulled into the parking lot she barely let him stop the car before she ran out and burst into the door. It was still early the only people there were her dad and one of the barkeeps. Her father was sitting on a barstool hunched over crying.

"Dad." She said softly putting her hand on his shoulder. "Dad?" She was looking to him for strength and comfort but again he didn't respond. Finally with all the strength she possessed she yelled "RAYMOND STEELE!" That finally broke through to her father and he turned to look at her, tears streaming from his eyes. She placed her hands on either sides of his face and kissed him on the forehead. Christian watched this tender moment between the father daughter and the back of his throat started to burn, as he fought back tears of his own.

"Daddy." She whispered, trying so hard to hold it together.

"She's, gone baby doll, the police just called me… there was an accident." Ana watched as her father broke apart into a million pieces all his strength gone. Everything was different now, everything was about to change.

"I know, I saw it on the news. Listen , Daddy. I am going to go get the kids from school okay." Ray nodded and grabbed Ana into a huge hug.

"What do we hell them Ana?"

"I don't know. We will figure it out. Just go home okay and I will see you in a little while."

Ana wanted to scream, cry, fall apart and have her father make everything ok, but that was not going to happen. She had to be strong, she thought about her mother and how she was a warrior and she was going to be the Jose . In that moment Christian watched her transform, he could almost see her stuff down all her feelings. She wiped away her tears and didn't say a word. He went with her to pick up her brother and sister from school. Shane was eleven and Clare was nine. Ana couldn't imagine telling them what happened, where would she find the words, the strength. She felt adrift, like she was floating, with no control over her direction or path.

"Christian , how do I do this. How do I tell them that mommy is gone" He could see he crack again but as soon as the kids were in sight her wall went back up and all the weakness went away. The wall began that day, brick by brick she surrounded herself. The wall had one singular purpose to keep new pain from finding its way in and to keep old pain close.


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you!

Grey Streets…  
The response to this story has been more than I ever imagined. I have read and re-read your reviews and feel so blessed that you are relating to the characters and story line.  
There have been many questions and comments in the same vein so I thought I was answer them all here at once.  
1. I had mentioned in an A/N that this is a very personal story to me and it is. The themes I am writing about (unrequited love, becoming an adult when you are still a child, lost dreams, lost love, special needs children) are all very close to my heart.  
2. Luke has really struck a chord ( in the same way Olivia has in Fifty Ways) and I am very happy that has happened. Many of you have asked if he is autistic and the answer is yes. I have yet to read a story where the mind of an autistic child was part of the narrative. It is something that I have wanted to explore for quite sometime and only now feel confidant enough in my writing to tackle it. That confidence comes directly from you, my readers and reviewers. To parents of autistic children, please feel free to reach out any thoughts or ideas you may have and I will try to incorporate them I to Luke's journey. I want to preface by saying I do not have an autistic child but my aunt adopted three special needs children, two of which have Downs syndrome. This is something that was very much a part of my childhood and upbringing and something that I am excited to bring awareness to in any small way that I can.  
3. The Ana and Christian dynamic is very different in this story and you all have really responded to it. I am thrilled by this! I know a lot of you are relating to Ana and how she has been cast aside by CG. It is a very relatable thing - abandonment. I love how you have all rallied around her. I look forward to hearing your responses to the next few chapters as more unfolds about Jose and Hyde.  
4. Just to be clear there are going to flashbacks telling the story at different times in their shared history. If that becomes unclear please let me know.  
5. As always music plays a huge role in my writing. This story is based on Grey streets by the Dave Matthews Band. Give it a listen. And if you have a song that you think would inspire me PLEASE send it on over.

I also want to give a shoutout to a few reviewers who really made me think and have a possible bearing on future chapters. Heycomputer, irishmauve, kfoll, BriLee, and icalyn my first review for this story. Also to all the guest reviewers you have been so kind and supportive. I know you all get a bad rap so I wanted to give you a good shout out too!  
Thank you all so much and if you have any questions you know where to find me. Xoxo PPP

* * *

Chapter 3: If you're Gonna Love Me then Darlin' Don't refrain

"It's Christian, leave a message."

"Uh, hey Christian. It's me Ana. I mean of course you know it's me, my name comes up on your phone and I sure you know my voice by now…I uh, I am not sure what's going on. This is my third message. Its not like you to just not call back or email or something. Elliott said he spoke to you, that was a relief. At least I know your breathing. Look, if I said or did something or I pissed you off… That's what I do. Been doing for decades now, so why don't you just man up, tell me what I said so I can tell you how stupid you are and we can put this all behind us okay? Look… Call me okay. Please. At home or even the bar just call… I miss you. Bye"

* * *

The Wander Inn was crowded, packed even considering it was so early for a Friday night in late June. The dark wood paneled walls, rich oxblood leather covered booths, the worn mahogany bar that her father build by hand over thirty years before all added to the cozy feeling. The Inn, was modeled after the pub that her great grandfather Owen Steele owned in Cork. His portrait hung proudly behind the bar, keeping a watchful eye over the place. Her father Ray always believed that his stern features and his dark moody eyes instilled a subconscious fear in his patrons, keeping them in line and the bar fights to a minimum. The painting always freaked her out and Ana was tempted to take it down when she took over the bar, but she could never bring herself to do it in the off chance her dad was right.

Taking over the bar two years ago was not where Ana saw her life headed. She worked there of course of the years to help out her dad but teaching English at the high school was the one thing keeping her sane. It wasn't what she had dreamed but if was the one thing in her life that she willingly chose. After her mother death, her childhood was gone and she became a mother not only to her siblings but to her father as well. His grief mixed with scotch and began a battle with the bottle that Ray sadly had more losses than wins. His last battle was the final straw leaving Ana no choice but to step in and usurp his ownership of the bar, if for nothing else to save the family home that was on the verge of foreclosure. She left her job at the school, talking a leave of absence that was now permanent. There was just too much to do at the Inn, even with taking Jessica her oldest and dearest friend on as a partner. Shane was away at school, so she really only had to worry about his tuition, it was Claire that was the question mark. She was just turning sixteen and was full of the rage and anger of a girl whose mother was dead and whose father was an alcoholic. No matter how good of a job Ana did trying to maintain a normal life the stains of unhappiness set in to the fabric of Claire's being and nothing that Ana could do to stop it. Powerless once again , a feeling that she hated and yet she was so accustomed to it.

A mix of young and old townies filled the booths and stools, nursing beers and chowing down on burgers and wings. The hum of a full bar mixed with the pounding of the juke box and the fact that she had gotten a little too much sun out on the boat turned out to be a bad combination. Ana was exhausted and already had a headache brewing; she swallowed a few Advil hoping for quick relief. She couldn't understand the reason for the influx of patrons, the sheer onslaught of people. It was Jessica her oldest and dearest friend, her partner in their side business The Wander Out food truck, head chef at the Inn, and general counsel who put it all together. It was Christian and his return to town, everyone knowing that at some point in the evening he would wander into the Wander Inn. Everyone wanting to be there, not wanting to miss it.

Ana kept herself busy, talking to her regulars, mixing drinks, pouring shots anything she could do to distract herself. She was dreading the moment that everyone else was looking forward to. Ana had made it through this afternoon but seeing him shook her more then it really should have. She knew that she was more hurt then angry. When she finally fled to the safety of her house, the door slamming behind her, leaving him on the curb, she allowed herself to cry. It was not something the she did often; she had learned long ago how to control her sadness. But the compounded drama of her week, mixed with Christian's return, took its toll. She sat slumped against her front door, as hot fat tears rolled off her cheeks dropping to the old pine floors beneath her, hearing Christian and Carrick call out to one another, grateful Carrick had stopped Christian from following her.

"You ok there Kiddo?" Jessica asked passing her an order of cheese fries through the window between the back bar and the kitchen.

"Ish." Was Ana's only reply, talking the hot plate of greasy goodness and giving Jessica a crooked smile. In an instant worry flashed across Jessica's face and Ana's stomach dropped.

"Behind you two o'clock." Ana inhaled sharply, turning expecting to see Christian standing behind her. Instead she found Jose, sitting down at the bar. Jose, she exhaled a bit, not sure if she was ready to see him after all that had happened. She quickly delivered the cheese fries to their rightful owner and made her way over to Jose with mixed feelings. Up until this week he had been her boyfriend for the last two years Jose had been there. Despite his rough exterior, the array of artful tattoos that covered most of his arms, his wicked, sardonic sense of humor, his love of muscle cars that kept his repair shop busy and his nails always dirty, he was a kind sweet man. An artist, a lover of women and Spanish guitar and he played them both with eager expert hands.

"Hey Ana." His smile was warm, his eyes sad. He was trying to read her face and her body. He had wanted to come days earlier and apologize. He wanted to make it right and see if they could mend what had somehow frayed between them. But then her heard that Christian was coming back to town and he began to wonder if her denial was a result of his impending return. He knew better than anyone that Ana's heart was divided between two men from her past, thought she would never admit it. Jose knew that Christian was one and the always wondered about the other.

"Hi Jose." Her tone matched his as she rested her hand over his. She could feel that eyes were on them, the news of their breakup trickling through the rumor mill. She needed to touch him, she had missed him. Her bed was empty, as were her hands without him there to hold them. Ana wished she could just say yes and marry Jose. That would be the easy thing to do, she knew she would be happy and safe with him but she needed more. Ana made herself a promise long ago, and she intended to keep it.

"You want your usual?" She asked him cocking her head to one side, tucking a curl behind her ear. He nodded and she pulled his favorite draft placing it down in front of him. He slid the full pint, back and forth between his hands, across the smooth bar top before finally lifting it to his mouth and taking a large sip.

"How are you doing?" he asked after a few silent beats really wanting to know.

"I'm sad…" Ana's voice trailed off as Jose nodded in agreement. "I wish you wouldn't have… given me an ultimatum."

"Ana, it's been two years and I have loved you since I was thirteen and you were fifteen. If you are not sure about me after all this time, after everything we have gone thru…"

"It's not that I am not sure about you, I just don't want to get married."

"Well I do, I want to get married and have a family… with you…" As the words left his mouth he wished he could take them back, seeing the pained look on her face.

"Don't." Her brow furrowed and she felt like he had just stabbed her, she felt physical pain. "This is not the time or the place, honesty what are you even doing here?" Her voice on the edge of angry. "I thought we agreed…"

"I wanted to see how you were, and I heard Christian was back in town." He interrupted her, not wanting to hear her justify their breakup again, knowing that the mention of Christian would throw her off.

"Yeah, he is. I saw him." She said robotically, not giving anything away. Jose was not surprised that she had seen him, despite the shocked look that flashed across his face.

"And?"

"And nothing, like I told you a thousand times before he and I are no longer friends." Her voice was flat and even, he knew her tone was a mask. She was pretending not to care. It was the same tone she used when she turned down his marriage proposal, the previous weekend. He took another large gulp of beer, wishing it was a shot of whiskey. "I gotta get back to work, we are getting slammed tonight. You want a refill?" He shook his head no, taking the last sip of his now warm beer. He stood from the bar, reaching for his wallet.

"Jose, come on. Your money has never been good here." He ignored her, throwing a ten down on the bar and turned to walk away. She watched him turn back to her, she could see him struggling.

"You know Annie, I don't get why you are so willing to throw us away." She opened her mouth to respond, but he held his hands up. "Let me finish. I love you, I want to spend my life with you and if you really don't want that then you need to really let me go because, despite the fact that you said no and I broke up with you. I am still waiting. For what I have no idea, but I am. So you need to decide if you are sure. Okay?" Ana was speechless. Just the fact that he called her Annie, her mother's nickname for her threw her off. All she could do was nod, her lips pressed together in a hard line.

"I'll be back later on."

"Jose, you don't need to do that."

"Yeah, I do. I know better than anyone how hard its been on you, Christian going MIA. You and I might not be together anymore, but we are still friends. So I will be back later." He nodded his head to her once more before walking out of the bar. Ana hated to admit but she felt relieved that Jose would be back. His presence always made her feel safe, like nothing bad could ever happen to her as long as he was around.

"That went better than expected…"

"Yeah Jess, it did."

"You should tell him Ana… It would make this easier I think if he knew the truth."

"I don't that it would."

* * *

He didn't want to go. What did it matter if he was home the whole damn town didn't need to drink a beer with him. It was bad enough having to be there at all, but now to explain a hundred times that he is divorced and his wife left him for another man, and his son is not like regular kids. It was just one layer of suck after another. He sat on the foot of his childhood bed, his head in his hands. Luke had finally fallen asleep, it was a relief. For a few hours Christian didn't have to worry. The only reason her was even considering leaving his room tonight was Ana. He knew what he wanted, hell it was what he always wanted - Ana. He had choices to make, hard choices that were the building blocks of his destiny and his greatest regret that that Ana got left behind in the shuffle. And sadly that was always the case.

He could hear the banter of his family and friends down stairs. Mia was there, as was Kate his brother girlfriend. He had yet to see them and knew he was in for a few hugs and squeals at least from Mia. Kate was Ana's best friend, so undoubtedly she would be cold and distant if for no other reason but to have Ana's back. Ana, Jessica and Kate were thick as thieves. The brunette, the redhead and the blond, the were jokingly called Charlie's Angels in High school, even one year showed up in costume. So Kate and Jessica would both be gunning for him, even Mia would be pissed. He decided that he would make no explanations for apologies, he would treat this no different than his business. He would stand by his choices and decisions and let the chips fall where they may. All that matters is Ana and her forgiveness. That is where he would rest his head, that is where he would put his energy. Earning her forgiveness and then maybe they could be more. Over the years there had been so many near misses, so many chances and for one reason or another they never came to fruition.

* * *

The air was already thick and heavy, a collective hum of A/C units in the distance. Christian was restless, unable to sleep. His mind was in a million places. He had a choice to make, a difficult choice and he was conflicted. Getting into Harvard was one of the best moments of his life; his partial scholarship for rowing would make it possible for him to go. All he had to worry about was books and housing. All the years of hard work was finally paying off and he knew the moment that he read his acceptance letter that he was nothing like his birth father. He was going to make a name and a life for himself; he was not going to end up dead in the gutter with a needle in his arm. His whole life was fueled by his desire to not be the man his father was and t not be weak like his mother. Strength, perseverance, fortitude. Was his own personal mantra.

In a few days he would be gone, off to Europe with his boys for a trip of debauchery and after that he would be in Boston. Life was changing quickly and he had too many women to manage. For starters he had been fucking his mother's friend Elena Lincoln for the better part of the year. She was hot and older and kinky as all hell. She was also a secret that only added to the appeal. Ana was another consideration, since her mother had died she was a shell of the Ana he used to know and he understood better then anyone why she was how she was. He felt this need to stay just to protect her and be there. Many a night he would find her sitting on the boat parked in the driveway with a few bottles of beer and some Dave Matthews, crying. Many night they would wake up tangled around one another in the small bed or the large hammock after a long night of talking about everything and nothing. He worried that when he was gone she would wake up alone. How many nights had they fallen asleep together and never even kissed? It wasn't they neither thought about it, because they did – a lot. But there was always something stronger between them, something more important than dry humping on a Friday night.

And then there was Leila Williams, the thorn in his side but a pain that he loved. At prom Leila came to him, eyes red with tears and begged for his forgiveness. She wanted him back, the school year was long and hard without him at her side and she too was heading to Massachusetts, going to her father alma mater Boston University. She couldn't imagine heading out into the world alone.

Christian was at odds, he missed her but he had moved on with many girls and a few women. There had been a never ending stream of them actually and he enjoyed the freedom. But in a few days he was leaving for Europe with Elliott and Ethan and he had to choose. He loved Leila, he could see the life they would have spread out before him and deep down he knew the decision was made; he was going to take her back. They made sense, it was the expected choice, the road that lead to the life he was supposed to have. He wandered around his room for a while until he couldn't take the confinement any longer and he sought the refuge of his front porch.

The slam of his screen door startled Ana, she couldn't sleep either, tomorrow looming. She looked over in Christian's direction. He smiled at her when they made eye contact. Thank God she is awake was Christian's passing thought. The closer he got to her better he felt, but it was always like that.

"Couldn't sleep?" He asked cocking his head to one side, taking note of the six pack sitting next to her. "Drinking alone?" He knew Ana was not much of a drinker and the beer was a sure sign she was sad.

"Not anymore." She said handing him a bottle. He sat next to her on the steps, brushing her bare legs with his. "What's keeping you up tonight CG?"

"Tomorrow, I just can't believe it's graduation tomorrow."

"I know, it's kinda crazy you're graduating and Elliott and I are going to be seniors."

"Everything is changing, in a few days I am going to be in Europe with the boys and then Boston. And there is the whole Leila thing." God she hated her, she was perfect on the outside but a nasty, insensitive mess on the inside. She always thought Christian deserved better. He deserved someone who understood why he didn't like to be touched, someone who understood why he was so angry and distant. He deserved someone who would love him in the good times and in the bad. Leila was not a bad person just a selfish one, who never looked past her own pain to see the pain of others.

"Have you decided if you are going to take her back?" Christian just shrugged his shoulders. But Ana knew he would. Christian had a plan; he talked about it all the time. In ten years he wanted to be a millionaire, he wanted to the master of his universe and be free to so whatever he wanted. He wanted to buy fledgling companies and restore them to profit, he wanted a name in society and place in the world and Ana knew that he would have it. All of it would someday be his.

"I guess, I mean I love her. She fucked up. I'm not going to decide anything until I get back from Europe though. Keep her guessing." Ana held her tongue there were so many things that she wanted to say but she knew there was no point. Christian and Leila were inevitable, all part of his plan. "After tomorrow, everything is going to be different; we won't really be living next door to each other anymore."

"Yeah, I know." her voice was barely a whisper. She finished her beer and cracked open another. "I wish you were going to be here for the summer at least."

"I know, part of me does too, but I really I wish you were coming with us Ana. You would love the trip we have planned."

"I know, I wish I could go to but I can't. I got the kids and my dad, you know how it is." Since Carla's death Ray spent more time working at the bar and even more time drinking. Ana was left to take care of Shane and Claire, getting them to school, cooking dinner, checking their homework, making sure they were going to the dentist. In a matter of a few hours she became their mother at the tender age of sixteen.

"I know it sucks Ana… But listen we _will_ be back for your seventeenth birthday okay. I wouldn't miss that for the world"

"I know I am looking forward to it."

"So why don't you tell me what's really keeping you up?" Crap, he knew her too well; she didn't want to talk about it. She was so sick of the sound of her own voice.

"I miss my mom." Ana's voice cracked and a fat, hot tear streamed down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away.

"I know kiddo, I know. She would be beyond proud of you. I know I am. All that you have had to deal with this year. Don't be sad ok, your mom wouldn't want that." He knocked his shoulder into hers. "I hate it when you are like this." His voice was low, soft and a lump formed in his throat.

"I'll try, I promise. I know I say Kate and Carly are my best friends… but this year everyone pulled away from me, but not you… Christian you took a step closer, you're my best friend."

"And you're mine."

"I am really going to miss you, you really have no idea."

Christian turned to her and slowly brushed one of her long curls off her forehead, he gently pressed his lips to hers, her lips parting slightly, kissing her felt like the most natural thing in the world and for a moment all the fears, worries and pressures of the future fell away. His arms wrapped around her, holding her tight, not wanting to let her go but knowing he had too. When he finally pulled away there were both shaken and breathless.

"Good Night Ana." He brushed her cheek with the back of his knuckles.

"Night, Christian." Awash with confusion, she watched him walk away. And then she realized that in a few days he would be in Europe fucking his way through the accent and then when all that was over he would be back with Leila. With that kiss they had just said goodbye.


End file.
